How to Support a Loved One with Estate Planning
At Shafae Law, we frequently hear from family members who call on behalf of a loved one seeking estate planning guidance. These calls come from adult children helping aging parents, spouses assisting each other, or caregivers trying to ensure someone they love has their affairs in order. These gestures are rooted in care and responsibility—and they can be incredibly helpful.
But when it comes to estate planning, there’s a fine balance between offering support and overstepping in a way that could complicate the process. If you’re helping a loved one create or revise their estate plan, here’s what you need to know.
Be a Liaison, Not the Decision-Maker
It’s perfectly appropriate—and often very helpful—to act as a liaison for your loved one. This can include:
Researching and identifying potential attorneys
Scheduling appointments
Helping to gather and organize documents
Reminding your loved one about deadlines or follow-up items
These tasks can remove much of the stress from the process and allow your loved one to focus on making important decisions about their estate.
Remember Who the Client Is
The most important thing to understand is this: your loved one is the client, not you. An attorney has an ethical duty to represent the interests of their client directly. That means the lawyer must hear, in your loved one’s own words, what their goals, concerns, and wishes are.
Even if your intentions are good, speaking on behalf of your loved one during a legal consultation risks creating a conflict of interest for the attorney. In some cases, it may even prevent the lawyer from being able to represent your loved one at all.
Avoid Creating Conflicts
It can be tempting to guide the conversation or offer opinions about what your loved one “should” do, but this is where problems arise. If you begin pushing your own perspective, you risk overshadowing the client’s voice. The attorney needs clarity about what the actual client wants—not what family members prefer.
Conflicts like this not only complicate the attorney-client relationship, but they can also cause delays or disagreements within the family.
The Best Way to Help
The most supportive role you can play is that of an encourager and organizer. Help your loved one prepare by:
Assisting with gathering important records like deeds, financial account information, and prior estate planning documents
Helping them write down their questions before meeting with the attorney
Offering to attend meetings for emotional support—while respecting their voice as the decision-maker
By doing this, you empower your loved one to have a clear and direct relationship with their attorney, ensuring the estate plan reflects their true wishes.
Final Thoughts
Helping a loved one with estate planning is a thoughtful and caring act. But the key is to provide support without overshadowing their voice. By assisting with logistics and preparation—while respecting the attorney’s duty to the client—you can ensure the process moves smoothly and results in a plan that truly reflects your loved one’s goals.